Personal writings

So for a long time I'll be bored and have thoughts or writings that pop into my head.  Yes I do have this blog and could easily make another one for personal use that's set to private, but I've just always written it into a journal I received as a gift a few years ago.  Nothing wrong with putting some pen to paper to get creative juices flowing.  I feel as though I can now publicly put what I write

out there for the public to see though.  To share what all goes on in my head after heartache, happiness, loss and anger.  To let people in the walls I've built up.  I've always tried to act like everything was perfect in my life, that I was perfect.  That I had some sort of expectations that everyone had put on me and I just had to achieve them.  It's funny because my parents think my younger brother is the one who thinks about these things and doesn't want to fail.  All I've ever felt like was that I didn't amount to what they expected.  That anything and everything I did was just wrong.  I finally have learned that the only expectations that a person should feel the need to achieve are the expectations they put on themselves.

In a world filled with lies;

I feel like I'm drowning sometimes

The truth so hard to see;

Walking through the darkness, just me

Trees fade into a single blur;

Wondering which direction to turn. 

<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>

He asked me if I'd ever seen the stars

I said have you ever seen love

He had eyes like the sky

And I'm watching from above

I said I love you

He said how could you

An angel sent from a heavenly place, in his mind

So she took him to a heavenly state

He'd never been in so deep so fast before

Then she took him down and unknown road

A path he thought had overgrown

He learned to car, to love, to feel

Somthing That had died long ago once again now appeared

Trying to find answers that he always hides behind themask

A task that may prove hard, but worth it in the end

Stories untold and for the devil he sees in himself

I told him I love you

And he said how could you

You may not see exactly what i see

But always know in my heart forever you'll be

<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>

All and all they go around, 

Around and around like a merry go round

Life does not stop until the end

But you get up to start again

Never back down and never quit

These are some words we learn to live

My job and my duty are my only task

And why or how come is the question you might ask

I took a pledge; I took a stand

To guard my country; I swore to defend

Never back down and never quit

Are just a few things we learn to live 

<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>

So don't you forget about me

The impact I'll make you won't believe

<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>

The end is coming 

But we already know 

The sky is falling

And we're watching it burn

Dancing in the glow

We start to move

The streets are crowded

But we don't have much to lose

The music blasting

And houses crashing down

They crumble piece by piece

Beneath the sound

Our hearts are pounding

To the hectic sound

We watch the city crumble

From above the ground

Broken down buildings

Missing walls and doors

The city that never sleeps

Is no more

Bicycles placed up in stacks

And all that's left is what's on the racks

Rafters above, and beams below

The city once known 

Is no longer a home

Weed and trees; overgrown, 

These streets have been vacant 

For a time unknown

The people that lived here are far far gone

Up and left without looking back

From what must have been and epic attack

<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>

Does it burn inside us

Or does it just sit and feed

It hurts as it leaves

And scares us as it comes

I mean is love a feeling

Or just something we're taught to believe

You can't exactly explain it

But you know it hurts more than anything

Or is it the feeling of rejection that hurts the most

Is it a burden or is it a gift

I don't quite know would be my guess

I don't wanna find love

Because love is nothing but future pain

But they say pain is payment

Well I disagree

Pain is a burden 

And burdens turn to hate

And I rather not feel love 

Than love turn to hate 

<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>

You

you are the reason i live

The reason I love

The reason I give

The reason I kind of

Can't seem to go on without

<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>

I lie awake and wonder why

How we've come this far 

In such a short time

I know I love you without a doubt

But still the fear won't let it out

I scream and shout with all my might

Trying to let you know without a fight

The struggles within I see this now

But then I ask myself why and how

<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>